Growing Up.

Today has been a big step for me in growing up. I’ve had to endure pain I never thought I would. I’ve had to hear my mother say words I didn’t think (well I sort of did) would come out of her mouth. I’ve been so incredibly proud of someone but so desperately hurt at the same time.

You’d think by the time you turn 21 you know what you need in life and have a life and job pretty down pat. Me. No. I live at home, work a part time job while looking for something new. I have a degree and I feel like nobody wants to hire me. Some days I feel just how bad it is that there’s nothing coming my way. People continually tell me that the perfect job just hasn’t found you yet and all I think in response is what if it never does. Today was a pivotal moment in that reasoning. My best friend got a call about a job, of course I am so incredibly proud of her and so incredibly happy for her, but all my mind was telling me was how disappointed it was in me. Then, as stupid as it sounds, I began thinking of all the reasons she got it over me. Which I mean is super stupid.

I came home and cried. I cried for a good 2 hours about all of this to mum. Mum’s advice was the same as everyone else, but she also had some nice advice I thought would be lovely to share. She told me Never to let the bad thoughts consume you. Allow yourself to be sad but do not let those thoughts overcome you, because once they have started they will not stop. It’s a snowball affect. I’ve experienced this before, I’ve had my snowball affect. But right now I want to be happy that I just have an interview tomorrow, that something might be getting put into place for me.

I want to think positively about this job interview because I really do think I will be good at it. I will work hard to get the job and I will work hard when I have the job. I’ll work hard to be able to find myself somewhere to stay. I’ll work hard to get Max a job and settle down together. I’ll work hard to prepare everything I need. I’ll work hard to show everyone in the job that I do deserve it and I will do a good job. I’ll also work hard at keeping myself together if I don’t get the job. I’ll work hard to continue to look for and love jobs. I’ll continue to work hard on making myself feel like an adult with a real job and a real work/social situation. Even if it means I’m 2 and a half hours away from everyone I love.

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