Why hello there internet.
Over the past month there has been so much happening in my life. I know I updated with you that I was moving, but a whole lot of stuff happened in between and I thought it would be better to make a big ol’ post about it rather than just the little update I gave you three weeks ago.
I got the opportunity to move for a job (yes, I finally achieved a job) and it was super scary. I’ve just started to settle in and this is the first weekend that I have been alone for most of the weekend, my brother and sister-in-law and niece are on their way because of the cyclone situation, which to be honest has been super scary for me and it’s not just the alone factor (I will get back to the alone factor later). When I first got to my new town, I didn’t have anywhere to live, which when I started on Tuesday, was a very scary factor for me. The living in my mum’s cousins house, getting taken to work by my mum and just relying on others continued for the first two weeks. However, the first weekend of my job I got approved for a little unit in a nice quiet street. I know I continue to say that I will post pictures and I haven’t, BUT I am getting there. It’s been scary and awful and wonderful all at once and I’m starting to get used to it, but I just think I need a little more time to totally adjust myself.
I always thought I’d jump into my dream job and it would be wonderful. Turns out I was completely wrong and I over estimated everything. After a month, I still feel as if I’m not doing well and everything is falling to pieces. I also feel like there’s no one in my corner backing me (again will get back to this). I have to say I love what I do, I just did not prepare myself for all that came with it I guess, there’s things I think I’m doing well and people are like yeah no. Which freaks me out and having no confidence in yourself in the profession I’m in really hurts you. I guess that also comes with the next thing;
The Lonely Factor;
This was a massive shock to me (and still is), but three days before I (we) were supposed to move, M came to me and said that he would like to ‘take a break’. Not only did I know that taking a break in his words was breaking up it also meant after 5 years I’d be completely lonely. It’s been a month and I’m still trying to deal and that’s all I want to say about it.
But not only am I in a new town, I know limited people. I’m trying but being a hermet and not being good at social skills I’m struggling. Leaving your comfort zone is scary and I do not recommend. Being so far away from home and all my (old) life it’s hard and I’m still trying to understand and cope with a lot of things.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you how awful everything is because it’s not. In the past week I have become an aunty to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’ve always been able to contact and speak (cry) to my mum or dad whenever I’ve needed (except this weekend, but it’s totally understandable why) and I think I’ve grown a lot closer to my mother. We were always so close but by moving and having to do it alone my mum has been a miracle worker and has loved me unconditionally and always let me cry and cry if I need to.
I’m hoping to get back to a regular upload schedule once I get into this job (so please give it time).