Dear Diary… Day 1 of 365

Dear Diary,

Here we go a project I’ll never keep (but wish to). I’m going to start writing. Whether it’s good or bad or otherwise. I’m going to write. I find enjoyment in writing and I find enjoyment in just getting my emotions out. Let’s see if I can do this for 365 days.

Today started ordinary, waking up and doing the regular morning routine before I rushed out the door. Then it hit me like a train. My emotions began to increase, I was on edge. I could hear everything around me but I could also hear nothing. I knew what was going to begin. I focused on words on my computer and took long breaths but still everything began to crumble. Until I heard that starting bell. For some reason knowing I have to stand up in front of children makes my anxiety lesson, maybe a better way is to say it makes it bearable. All day, even now, I knew I was on edge. I was overthinking a situation as usual making up things that didn’t need to be made up. However, as my mind wanders my anxiety heightens. Which also makes everything else around me worse. Today, my teaching sucked, my class sucked, my behaviour management was terrible and I don’t want to step back in there tomorrow.

As much as I want to turn my mind off so I can go to sleep, I know I will toss and turn for at least another hour. I know all the thoughts that will go through my head and I know all of the answers I’ll give myself, but guess which ones will win?

One foot in front of the other, you’re almost there.

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