Dullness

It’s been a while since I’ve seen what it’s like on the lighter side of depression. It’s been a while since I saw the light in my anxiety. I’ve had a year and I don’t think it’s going to get much better in the next year. But what I can say is I’m proud of the person I’m becoming.

I’m starting to see the light and feel happier about myself, especially after the situation recently. I’ve had a huge confidence hit and when you’re confidence is already low, there’s not much left.

I’m giving myself time and making myself take time. I have to realise myself that I’m still young and have time to live my life. I need to make a change in my life, where I start to take myself first, but in that I need to get my head straight.

Hopefully in the next year or two, with the help of friends and family I’ll start to feel a bit better. To know I’m seeing some light is nice though. I just hope it continues this way.

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Meditation

At the start of the year I was diagnosed with “situational” depression and anxiety (not situational). I’ve been currently seeing a physiologist thanks to all the things I’ve been going through this year. But I have also started meditating, mum got me onto this. She started using an app called calm in about April this year and she’d told me try it, as my anxiety around many situations had gotten worse. I started with that app but found that the lady who was telling the calm stories was too harsh and frustrating for me. It took me a few months to try again, as I was like I’m fine, but once I moved back to mums I knew I had to do something about both the depression and anxiety brewing in my head. I tried to others and found they just weren’t working for me (so now, because you have to sign up for everything, my inbox is blasted with emails I do not want) and finally came upon Headspace. 

This was part of my What’s on my iPhone last week. But I thought I would go into a bit of detail about this app as I have found it so helpful, especially with my anxiety. When you first get this app it comes with a 10 session basics pack which you don’t have to pay for. However, if you want to continue to use this app you will have to pay.

When you open the app you get this page – as you can see my last pack I used was the Depression pack (which is what it was last week, I’m currently using the anxiety pack). It’s helpful to have this at the very top as you know exactly where you left off and how many days of the pack you’ve done/have to go.

As you scroll down the home page this is what greets you. As you can see I have multiple packs. I’m currently doing 10 days of the Depression pack followed by 10 days of the Anxiety pack. I did start with doing one day Depression next day Anxiety but I thought it would be better to continue the packs individually but cross over at certain points. I’m hoping to begin some of my other ones in the next month or so.

If I’m honest I use this meditation just before I go to sleep. I press the play button lie down and listen to the meditation. You can choose how long you would like the meditation to go for. I’m currently meditating for 10 mins. At the beginning and end of each session the man (who’s voice is helping you meditate) gives you strategies to use throughout the day and how to enhance your meditation experience. I’ve found this helpful with being aware that you don’t have to stop your thinking throughout meditation, you just don’t let it distract you from your breathing.

What I’ve also enjoyed is that when they begin a new meditation strategy, they start with a very cute animation that gives you some sort of understanding of the strategy you’re going to start using. These really help me understand what is required during these sessions.

I also enjoy all of the different things it allows you to do with your meditation and how it helps you achieve meditating everyday. For me, I’ve found it easy to fit it into my routine, as I’ve decided I’m going to do it before bed. However, you need to find the best way for you. You also need to think, is this what I want to do and is this for me? Because I know when mum first began to push me  to give it a go, I wasn’t having a bar and didn’t believe it could help me.

I hope this helps in some way!

Jess x

 

*This is all my personal opinion.