I like my friends. I understand that this is a weird way to start a blog. But I do.
Over the last year I have needed a lot of support from people and the friends I have, have been fabulous. I know that people would be like “yes, but that’s what friends are for” and I agree, but not all friends are going to support you the way mine have.
I’ve always known that my friends are good and kind and are always around when I need them. I’m the type of person who needs their friends but does not need to see or talk to them everyday (I guess that’s part of me being an introvert). But I know that if I need them, they’re there. As much as I bottle up my emotions, when I need to vent or have a cry or just want to distract myself, I know they’ll be there to listen to me. No matter how many times I’ve cried over it, no matter how many times I’ve bought it up.
I also know which friends are better for which mood I’m in. I’m not saying that my friends are bad in anyway, but I’m sure you know what it’s like. Some are better when you really want to have a whinge and make drama for yourself, some are better to tell and then take your mind off things and some are better just to feel better about yourself. Thankfully, I have people for all of those options. I’m also happy that I have friends that can be all those things when I need them to be.
This year I have been one of the worst friends out. I’m the friend that has been needed to have the support and friends and love and support.
All I want to say is how thankful I am to have the friends I do. Without them, this year would have been even harder than it already have been.
In my time I’ve had a very limited amount of friends. At each stage of my life I could count the amount of friends I’ve had on one hand. I’m not complaining about that. I have always said (thanks to my mother) quality over quantity. The only downside of this is at the moment the 3 people who I’m closet too are not anywhere near me.
At the beginning of the year my best friend moved. She’s been home a lot but with conflicting schedules I haven’t been able to see her and let’s be honest, with the amount of stress and hurt I’ve had this year it’s been tough.
But today I got to spend the day with her. It was nice and I’d love to do it more often than we do.
This past weekend my best friend got married. I was the Maid the Honour, so it was a pretty hectic week leading up to this day. The night before the big day the bride text me at 2:30am telling me she couldn’t sleep, which I immediately text back to and told her I wasn’t sleeping well either, so the both of us were our best that day (I was falling asleep on nice guy by about 7:30pm). But here are some pictures from the day/night, these are just some shitty iPhone quality just so you know.
If you follow me on instagram you’ve already seen this beauty with nice guy.
Let me start off by saying I never EVER in my life have ever called Facebook ‘Stalkbook’ nor will I start calling it now. But I understand the point and reason why people do, because let’s be honest, there’s like 5 types of people on Facebook;
- The over sharer
You know these people they might be your family, friends or even worse the best friend. But they share their entire lives to the world through their little Facebook page, telling us every little detail of their life and thinking that all 300 friends they added when they were 17 still care.
- The ‘Facebook chat’ user
(Not gonna lie, I’m this person) These people use Facebook solely for Facebook chat, why we’ll never know. But you all know one in the back of your head right now, that will never text back, but Facebook message them they freak out when they accidentally open your message and realise that little ‘seen 00:00’ is stamped.
- The ‘I only post when drunk’
I know we’ve all been there once or twice when you think of some witty statement drunk and think that at that moment in time it would be the perfect time to share with your family and friends. Let me shoot straight, it never is funny nor do your family and friends need to know, we all know you’re drunk, let it go.
- The photo sharer
All these people on my Facebook are my ‘older’ friends. Which if I’m honest am glad have not found instagram yet, but stop clogging my feed with crappy photos of your lunch, I really couldn’t care.
- The stalker
The one who ends up on your boyfriends, ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends, best friends girlfriends, ex boyfriends page without realising 2 hours has past and you don’t actually know these people.
Honestly, I’ve been all these people once in my life, but who out of all of you reading has never ending up on someone’s Facebook by just stalking the crap out of them? It’s crazy to think that this is what our world is coming to. Instead of face-to-face conversation (which I honestly hate but that’s another topic) we look at Facebook to find our information. If you’ve ever stalked somebody and thought ‘you need to post more’ (which I know you’ve all secretly done) have you ever thought who thinks that about you? Who looks at your wall, who gets to your page and thinks ‘do I know this person? Are we friends? I thought we went to school together? Wasn’t he/she with he/she?’? Isn’t it a scary thought knowing that everything you share anywhere (I know I say this on a site that anyone can see) can be seen by millions of people without you even knowing. That definitely scares me and it makes me wonder why people overshare on Facebook?
Honestly I’ve been there I did that but I was 16/17 at the time, I didn’t understand that I wasn’t the focus of everyones attention (no matter how badly that sounds). But now at 22 there’s people out there telling me their whole life story. Facebook was never intended to be your diary, it was a way of keeping in touch. I’ll tell you now the people who want to keep in touch or even just stalk don’t really care if Mary down the road fought with me today, I told her she needed time to calm down, I went inside and cried because of all the things I’m dealing with today. Just wish someone was there for me ): If you want to talk to someone there’s always ways and you always know who you can talk to because they are the ones who always comment the same stuff, talk to them, don’t tell the world.
As my parents told me and I always think If you don’t want it on the cover of the newspaper don’t post it.
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If you haven’t noticed, I’ve changed the way I blog. Instead of thinking ‘o I should really sit down and write something that I do/I need to get this post out’ now I’m writing when I think of something. I have to say a lot of the time it is late night Friday/Saturday, but you know what my weeks are filled and I’m happy with what I’m doing. I feel like my outlook on my blog has changed over the past couple of months. I want this blog but I’m not going to post silly things that everyone else always posts. Ok I’m not ruling out ever doing a GRWM or a Haul or whatever but I feel like if I do me I’ll get stuff done and I’ll write in this space more.
I feel like I have so many things going through my head at once that I just don’t know how to deal with certain things. And when things just pop into your mind late at night you know, you know deep down that’s the problem you need to deal with first. I’ve found over the past 3 posts I’ve made that it helps. It won’t help forever but it helps me make some understanding of what I need and how to go about things.
There’s only so much you can say before you know it’s your life and it gets a little boring. But maybe being honest and putting feelings down makes others around you stop to think about how they see their life from their perspective. Over the past year I have to say I’ve sat and thought a lot about who I am as a person, who do I want to be and the only real answer I’ve found is I want to be strong. Strong as in able to deal with certain thoughts in a ‘normal’ way. Strong as in able to stand up for myself a little bit more. Strong to be independent and not rely on others to do things for me. These are things I need and should have already done for myself but being where I was only a year ago I see now why I didn’t. Now I’m in a place I can start to work on myself and what I need in my life instead of what everyone else needs. I’ve started to realise my feelings are more important than others and I need to put myself first.
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It’s funny that just like 2 minutes ago I was ok with writing this post. Then, as I come to write I’m shaking, my breathing gets hard and my mind switches off. I want to clarify now, I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, nor do I think I need people to feel sorry or am I comparing myself to anyone else.
Over the years there’s been many things that have led me to ‘sore stomachs’, the shakes, being too nervous to do something or even turning up for things 20 minutes early so I’m not late. Now as I’m older there’s the reality that I’m not just some crazy weirdo there’s actually an explanation for all this. Which now, just makes me feel a bit shitty to be honest. Like it stops me from doing things. I often lie to my parents about making phone calls (to GET jobs) because my anxiety has me riddled with fear that I can’t make or pick up the damn phone.
I also hate that it makes me feel sick half the time. I’ve been dealing with these sore stomachs my whole life and when I was little, we went to see doctors and whatever but obviously no one then knew what this actually meant. During this time I’ve learnt to cope with this situation but it still makes all new or different situations so confusing and awful. It makes me scared because in 2 weekends it is my best friends 21st and like I know people, won’t say I know many, but I know them but I still feel so sick about it and it’s in 2 weeks time. Don’t get me started on how I will be on the day/night of the party because my parents won’t even be here either. Like I will be freaking out and she’s my best friend.
So many things set me off and it makes things hard for life. It’s not even just a little bit, it’s a lot of my life which is the hardest thing.
I guess I’m just saying don’t always judge someone who thinks things are hard because you never know what could happen or what’s going through their head.
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Why hello there again.
I’m someone who is intense when you’re in a relationship and by relationship I mean, friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend, family etc. I have balance, believe me I have balance, but I’m intense. I need people to reassure me constantly that they aren’t leaving me, that what they say and do they mean and that when they say something they mean it. I guess I’ve been through so many ‘break-ups’ with people that my custom to any relationship now is, do you really mean what you say? I guess it’s become more prominent now that I have dealt with one of the biggest relationship changes of my life and wasn’t even spoken to about it. I then had to live with that change by myself and try and figure new relationships out and that was hard.
It’s hard to put your trust back into someone when someone hurt you so deeply. You think you’re past it and then it just come back without any warning. Maybe I overthink things often too and this is one of those times. But I just need to write and talk and overthink it some more because I become.
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