Friends Day 6/365

In my time I’ve had a very limited amount of friends. At each stage of my life I could count the amount of friends I’ve had on one hand. I’m not complaining about that. I have always said (thanks to my mother) quality over quantity. The only downside of this is at the moment the 3 people who I’m closet too are not anywhere near me.

At the beginning of the year my best friend moved. She’s been home a lot but with conflicting schedules I haven’t been able to see her and let’s be honest, with the amount of stress and hurt I’ve had this year it’s been tough.

But today I got to spend the day with her. It was nice and I’d love to do it more often than we do.

Wedding Time

This past weekend my best friend got married. I was the Maid the Honour, so it was a pretty hectic week leading up to this day. The night before the big day the bride text me at 2:30am telling me she couldn’t sleep, which I immediately text back to and told her I wasn’t sleeping well either, so the both of us were our best that day (I was falling asleep on nice guy by about 7:30pm). But here are some pictures from the day/night, these are just some shitty iPhone quality just so you know.

 

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If you follow me on instagram you’ve already seen this beauty with nice guy.

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Stalkbook

Let me start off by saying I never EVER in my life have ever called Facebook ‘Stalkbook’ nor will I start calling it now. But I understand the point and reason why people do, because let’s be honest, there’s like 5 types of people on Facebook;

  1. The over sharer 
    You know these people they might be your family, friends or even worse the best friend. But they share their entire lives to the world through their little Facebook page, telling us every little detail of their life and thinking that all 300 friends they added when they were 17 still care.
  2. The ‘Facebook chat’ user
    (Not gonna lie, I’m this person) These people use Facebook solely for Facebook chat, why we’ll never know. But you all know one in the back of your head right now, that will never text back, but Facebook message them they freak out when they accidentally open your message and realise that little ‘seen 00:00’ is stamped.
  3. The ‘I only post when drunk’
    I know we’ve all been there once or twice when you think of some witty statement drunk and think that at that moment in time it would be the perfect time to share with your family and friends. Let me shoot straight, it never is funny nor do your family and friends need to know, we all know you’re drunk, let it go.
  4. The photo sharer
    All these people on my Facebook are my ‘older’ friends. Which if I’m honest am glad have not found instagram yet, but stop clogging my feed with crappy photos of your lunch, I really couldn’t care.
  5. The stalker
    The one who ends up on your boyfriends, ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends, best friends girlfriends, ex boyfriends page without realising 2 hours has past and you don’t actually know these people.

Honestly, I’ve been all these people once in my life, but who out of all of you reading has never ending up on someone’s Facebook by just stalking the crap out of them? It’s crazy to think that this is what our world is coming to. Instead of face-to-face conversation (which I honestly hate but that’s another topic) we look at Facebook to find our information. If you’ve ever stalked somebody and thought ‘you need to post more’ (which I know you’ve all secretly done) have you ever thought who thinks that about you? Who looks at your wall, who gets to your page and thinks ‘do I know this person? Are we friends? I thought we went to school together? Wasn’t he/she with he/she?’? Isn’t it a scary thought knowing that everything you share anywhere (I know I say this on a site that anyone can see) can be seen by millions of people without you even knowing. That definitely scares me and it makes me wonder why people overshare on Facebook?

Honestly I’ve been there I did that but I was 16/17 at the time, I didn’t understand that I wasn’t the focus of everyones attention (no matter how badly that sounds). But now at 22 there’s people out there telling me their whole life story. Facebook was never intended to be your diary, it was a way of keeping in touch. I’ll tell you now the people who want to keep in touch or even just stalk don’t really care if Mary down the road fought with me today, I told her she needed time to calm down, I went inside and cried because of all the things I’m dealing with today. Just wish someone was there for me ): If you want to talk to someone there’s always ways and you always know who you can talk to because they are the ones who always comment the same stuff, talk to them, don’t tell the world.

As my parents told me and I always think If you don’t want it on the cover of the newspaper don’t post it. 

 

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Rambles;

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve changed the way I blog. Instead of thinking ‘o I should really sit down and write something that I do/I need to get this post out’ now I’m writing when I think of something. I have to say a lot of the time it is late night Friday/Saturday, but you know what my weeks are filled and I’m happy with what I’m doing. I feel like my outlook on my blog has changed over the past couple of months. I want this blog but I’m not going to post silly things that everyone else always posts. Ok I’m not ruling out ever doing a GRWM or a Haul or whatever but I feel like if I do me I’ll get stuff done and I’ll write in this space more.

I feel like I have so many things going through my head at once that I just don’t know how to deal with certain things. And when things just pop into your mind late at night you know, you know deep down that’s the problem you need to deal with first. I’ve found over the past 3 posts I’ve made that it helps. It won’t help forever but it helps me make some understanding of what I need and how to go about things.

There’s only so much you can say before you know it’s your life and it gets a little boring. But maybe being honest and putting feelings down makes others around you stop to think about how they see their life from their perspective. Over the past year I have to say I’ve sat and thought a lot about who I am as a person, who do I want to be and the only real answer I’ve found is I want to be strong. Strong as in able to deal with certain thoughts in a ‘normal’ way. Strong as in able to stand up for myself a little bit more. Strong to be independent and not rely on others to do things for me. These are things I need and should have already done for myself but being where I was only a year ago I see now why I didn’t. Now I’m in a place I can start to work on myself and what I need in my life instead of what everyone else needs. I’ve started to realise my feelings are more important than others and I need to put myself first.

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The thing about anxiety;

It’s funny that just like 2 minutes ago I was ok with writing this post. Then, as I come to write I’m shaking, my breathing gets hard and my mind switches off. I want to clarify now, I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, nor do I think I need people to feel sorry or am I comparing myself to anyone else.

Over the years there’s been many things that have led me to ‘sore stomachs’, the shakes, being too nervous to do something or even turning up for things 20 minutes early so I’m not late. Now as I’m older there’s the reality that I’m not just some crazy weirdo there’s actually an explanation for all this. Which now, just makes me feel a bit shitty to be honest. Like it stops me from doing things. I often lie to my parents about making phone calls (to GET jobs) because my anxiety has me riddled with fear that I can’t make or pick up the damn phone.

I also hate that it makes me feel sick half the time. I’ve been dealing with these sore stomachs my whole life and when I was little, we went to see doctors and whatever but obviously no one then knew what this actually meant. During this time I’ve learnt to cope with this situation but it still makes all new or different situations so confusing and awful. It makes me scared because in 2 weekends it is my best friends 21st and like I know people, won’t say I know many, but I know them but I still feel so sick about it and it’s in 2 weeks time. Don’t get me started on how I will be on the day/night of the party because my parents won’t even be here either. Like I will be freaking out and she’s my best friend.

So many things set me off and it makes things hard for life. It’s not even just a little bit, it’s a lot of my life which is the hardest thing.

I guess I’m just saying don’t always judge someone who thinks things are hard because you never know what could happen or what’s going through their head.

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Friendships,

Why hello there again.

 

I’m someone who is intense when you’re in a relationship and by relationship I mean, friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend, family etc. I have balance, believe me I have balance, but I’m intense. I need people to reassure me constantly that they aren’t leaving me, that what they say and do they mean and that when they say something they mean it. I guess I’ve been through so many ‘break-ups’ with people that my custom to any relationship now is, do you really mean what you say? I guess it’s become more prominent now that I have dealt with one of the biggest relationship changes of my life and wasn’t even spoken to about it. I then had to live with that change by myself and try and figure new relationships out and that was hard.

It’s hard to put your trust back into someone when someone hurt you so deeply. You think you’re past it and then it just come back without any warning. Maybe I overthink things often too and this is one of those times. But I just need to write and talk and overthink it some more because I become.

 

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My 2015 must haves

Why hello there, what’s this 2 posts in 2 weeks. Let’s not get too excited now (;

I realise we are half way through January of 2016 and I’m (still) writing about 2015. But since it was my toughest year yet, I thought it only appropriate to write about the things that got me through (not just the beauty side of things).

Let’s just get into it;

  1. My family, let me be honest, last year was so bad, I literally only took selfies of mainly myself. So there are some things you need to know. 1. my mum will kill me. 2. the photo of dad is from 2014. 3. there are no photos of my brothers but they are needed too. Now let me tell you some of the reasons why my family is a must have, they were always there for me when things got really rough. On days where I felt totally down and out about myself I’d just call home and they’d be there for me, they’d listen to the stupid scenario and give me ways to push through it. They listened to me for a couple of months cry over M who LEFT me, because (let me be blunt) he got scared and at the end of some very stressful days we would Skype each other and just watch a very crappy tv show together.
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Top left-right; me and my niece, mum (she’ll hate me). Bottom; dad and I, ok I’m obsessed with this kid, my mother surprised me on my birthday with this cute little thing!

2. Independence. I still have my independence but moving out of home for the first time and moving such a way from home I had to learn to deal with situations without having my parents there to fix things for me. Also having a job that was full time meant I could begin to pay for things that meant something to me.

 

#independentwoman

#independentwoman

3. Friends. Holy moly did this year tell me who my friends are and did it not make friendships so much stronger. I also got out of my comfort zone and made a friend (who by the way I am so excited to see again!). Friends have always meant the world to me but I know I always am a little ‘out of it’ you could say and don’t pay enough attention, but last year, wow, they were my rocks along with my parents. Honestly poor Jasmine, got the total brunt of it and I cannot thank her enough for what she’s done for me.

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4. Matte by Models Prefer (shade 02). I found this gem after one of my many attempts at blogging last year (click here) and it has been a must have in my make-up bag for nights out ever since! It covers my face so perfectly and I am always looking for a matte finish when going out which this gives 100% (well it definitely should after being named Matte). The formulation is good too it’s not runny nor does it stick to your brush too much. This stuff blends perfectly into my skin with such ease that it makes the pain of ‘night out’ make-up so much easier!

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5. ACONTOUR by Australis. I found this gem in the same post as I found the Matte foundation. I have to say though I really only use one shade out of this palette because let’s be honest I’m the palest of the pale and none of these lovely ‘highlight’ shades actually highlight my face in anyway. Also I’ve been so scared to try any of the other contouring shades as sometimes if I use too much of a heavy hand on my shade I have to start my make-up again because I look like I’ve rolled around in a pile of mud.

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6. Sunglasses. I am a sunglasses hoarder, seriously I have so many pairs it’s insane. But this year I splurged and got myself a pair of ray bans, they were quiet expensive but definitely what I needed for the Australian sun.

 

I have to say I think that’s all my must have’s of 2015 or the things I needed the most of this year. My life has been crazy and it’s not getting much better right now. Hopefully, things start going my way soon.

 

Love to you all,

Jess

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