Resilience Day 3/365

There’s this stigma around children and resilience, that because they’re little they have no idea with the thought of resilience. Today I watched as one of my students, said goodbye to her mother (she’s leaving to go to hospital). Her tears in everything she did and said in that 15 mins were valid, but as soon as her 15 mins were over she came back. I told her to take time because I know it’s hard and she went straight back into work, wiped her eyes and that was it.

Yes, they may have days were they throw tantrums because they didn’t get the colour they want. But they have dealt with a lot of other things too and can deal with them without a worry.


Long Distance

In one word I can sum up long distance relationships, hard. No matter whether you’re multiple countries away or a few hours away, it’s always going to be hard.

For me, the hardest part of the long distance relationship is the distance. Once you get so attached to someone being away from them is hard. You know in your heart and in your mind that this is exactly what needs to happen so that he can earn money and finish his apprenticeship but that doesn’t mean my anxiety doesn’t hate it. Maybe that’s the hardest thing, my anxiety. That little voice.

Nice Guy and I communicate everyday, pretty much all day. Like yeah if he’s busy at work I won’t get a message but usually our communication is good. We’re also very lucky with only being 2 hours away from each other. So seeing each other isn’t a problem we see each other every 5-15 days. There’s hardly a time where we go a month or more without seeing each other. Which I am forever grateful for.

But just because we see each other so often doesn’t mean we don’t have our problems. Just recently, our communication became a problem. I started to shut down, mainly due to my dad and thinking about how all of this could be our lasts and thinking about my grandma in all of this. My work was also stressing me out. So my usually small fuse for petty problems became even smaller. Nice Guy is also stressing about a surgery he’s having sometime soon, so his usually very big fuse became small. So we were snapping at each other (and I think this also comes with the length of time we’ve been together). He came in a week later, as he wanted to see me, we had a discussion and we’re fine. But to think if we were any other length of time away, I would have had to sit on that for forever, my heart wouldn’t have handled it. My life wouldn’t have handled it.

I don’t really have any tips or tricks to make long distance any easier because it’s hard. You’re always going to have problems that people aren’t going to understand because their partner is literally right there when they need them. They don’t have to cry down a phone about how terrible your day was or how bad your dad is doing on the cancer front. They don’t have to send a goodnight text every night to know the other is going to sleep, they get to give them a kiss every night. That gets me. That line cut me. Nice Guy came in for 4 days this week, just yesterday he left and I had to go to sleep on my own and it felt odd. I’m rambling.

As cliche as it is, every relationship is different and every relationship has different dynamics on how it works. Nice Guy and I wouldn’t work with having to call each other everyday, 1. because of my anxiety and 2. our work schedules are pretty terrible. But we know that if we ever had anything important to say we would call each other in no time.

You need to figure out what works for you and your relationship. Maybe phone calls is what you and your partner enjoy because you get to hear their voice. Maybe you need to book your next visit when you’re together so you start counting down to the next time as soon as you leave because that makes your heart hurt a little less.

It’s all up to you and your heart and what you need. But I would say, communication is key. If you have no communication you have no platform to hold your relationship together over the long run and you are further away than you could ever imagine, even if it is only an hour.